I Worry about These Things

True, my personal paranoia runs deep, but it’s part of the world I live in. I’m at least normal, but there are certain things that give me pause. No, not pause—panic.

My main concern involves my friend indeed: The common carotid artery.

Like any high school graduate knows, the artery in question carries oxygen to the brain. If you stop the flow of oxygen to a person’s brain, he or she will lose consciousness. If the brain is deprived of oxygen for a longer period, the person will possibly lapse into a coma. Permanent brain damage in likely if this situation continues.

I like my brain to sustain as little damage as possible. None at all would be welcome.

In the luggage and travel section of any department store, you will find a nifty little accessory to make sleep more comfortable while a passenger on a train, a bus or an airplane. This accessory is an inflatable pillow that wraps around your neck. With the pillow in place, you can lean your head to one side and drift off to dreamland.

This harmless, little pillow scares me. Let me tell you why. My head being somewhat large (or so I’m led to believe), I figure it must weigh several pounds. If I fall asleep, I worry that the dead weight of my head, pressing on the pillow, will press the pillow firmly into the side of my neck and cut off the blood flow through my carotid artery.

At this point, I assume I would first lose consciousness, following which I would, no doubt, die. Of course, no one would think to even try reviving me because they wouldn’t want to disturb my nap.

My fear does not lack substantiation by science, but I don’t tell others about it.

For increased safety, modern seatbelts usually include a shoulder strap. The shoulder strap just happens to cross the base of the neck. When I buckle my seatbelt, I worry that the edge of the shoulder strap will be just tight enough to stop the blood flow through my good friend, the carotid artery.

This situation while driving doesn’t cause me concern that I will end up in a coma. No, I’ll just pass out, leaving my car without a conscious driver. Without a sentient life form at the wheel, my car would careen into oncoming traffic and maybe make the KFI Traffic Update.

Go ahead, laugh, but I bet that unexplained cases of people dropping dead or dozing off at the wheel could be attributed to this very problem.

I may be paranoid, but someday you’ll know why I unexplainably died while sleeping on the Red Eye.